Once A Loud Always A Loud
by Prince of the Forgotten
Summary: In the quaint little town of Royal Oaks lives a not-so-quaint family of fourteen: a mom, a dad, two boys, and ten girls. How does a couple of boys fair in a house of girls? We'll find out.
1. Not Like the Others

**CHAPTER ONE: NOT LIKE THE OTHERS**

Honestly, I was trying to stay away from doing series like this; however, after seeing that it can actually be done right (by reading Love is Loud by Moretsuna Sora, Naruto Loud by Mumei Mu, and Loud, Louder, and Loudest by The Swordslinger), I've decided to throw my hat into the ring.

Although, some of you are probably going to be like "Oh, why are you starting on another project when you aren't even finished with one yet?" First off, I have finished a project called Little Flower (I honestly forgot the name. Whoopsies) and secondly, I'll get to them when I can, so chill. Thirdly, can I help it if my brain wants to start on something else? It's not like I'm getting paid to write. It's just a hobby.

Do you know how close I was to finishing a story with Kiactu, Naruto, and Sasuke visiting the Digimon world? I was _so_ close. Like literally a paragraph or two away when my computer stopped working right.

Summary: Orphaned as a baby, Naruto was adopted into the Loud family just before they had their eldest, thinking that she would be an only child.

Pairings: Undecided, probably harem but I wouldn't hold my breath (the series this was based off is made in America and everyone who lives in America or anywhere else except the Middle East knows that polygamy is frowned upon). Bobby and Lori are just good friends who go on dates together, not as close as they are in the real show. Ronnie Anne and Lincoln may become a real couple, but let's just see where it goes before we make that assumption.

Genre: Family, Slice of Life, Humor

For you Bobby/Lori shippers out there, just know that there might be a chance she ends up with Naruto. Not to mention I've known situations where two lovebirds who are extremely close break up due to something happening between them (one nasty situation where a fiance cheated on her future husband with another classmate of mine; they were all my classmates and the two were supposed to get married after high school but I kind of gave away the spoilers of how that ended). And nowadays, relationships are mostly open until the two decide to go steady, so keep your fingers crossed as Bobby and Lori may (and that's a deep may) end up together, but it's highly unlikely.

I know. The summary (and title) might suck, but it's the best I can come up with on short notice. Also, Naruto has no powers in this fic (like so many others of its kind) as there really is no supernatural threat in this world. Well, no superpowered bad guy trying to take over our world as there are still plenty of threats. Nuclear bombs, guns, etc.

And just in case I don't describe it, he doesn't have his whisker marks (personally he looks alright without them even though they kind of define him).

* * *

**CHAPTER START**

* * *

Royal Woods, Michigan, was a rather quiet and uneventful place usually. In fact, the only thing that could be considered a crime was what shortcuts the local gas station owner took to make a quick buck. It was your average medium-sized town with a mall, a concert hall, a movie theater, and other businesses to keep the local population occupied.

Most of the disturbances created revolved around one family: the Louds. The couple, Lynn and Rita, had twelve kids with the oldest being 17 years old and the youngest being 15 months. They lived in an old-fashioned two-story house that seemed to stay in a barely livable condition. Outside toys and bikes were strewn around the lawn with a remote-controlled plane crashed in a tree.

The house sat next to a garage in which were a blue old-fashioned van (affectionately named Vanzilla by the family; although the oldest wanted to call it Vankenstein due to it being made of parts taken from other vans) and an orange Kawasaki Ninja 300 sports bike.

The Loud house held seven bedrooms (five regular, one master, and one converted linen closet) and one bath, with the girls sharing a room with one other. The younger boy had been given the linen closet and the eldest had space up in the attic where a divider blocked off his space from the rest.

In said attic laid one Naruto Loud, the eldest child of the twelve with his sister Lori being immediately after him in terms of birth. Blonde hair covered his head, much like most of the other residents' in the house (although it was spiky and rather difficult to tame compared to the other's straight locks), while blue eyes hid behind drowsy lids. Naruto stood at 5' 5"(1), easily one of the tallest in the family only right under his father.

Naruto laid in bed and snored while one leg hung off the side. The other leg was barely covered by the sheets, giving him a bad sleeping posture. A line of drool escaped the side of his mouth, making a spot on the bed. He rolled over in his sleep and scratched his rear before adjusting himself.

**"Pick up my sword it's time to do business  
****Strap on my cloak I'm 'bout to roll with this  
****When you're this swag, this world just bows at your knees  
****Call me the chef 'cuz I'll make your blood boil  
****(Hora hora) Give me some of that coil  
****Snake oil 'cuz you know I aim to please**

**"Tickle my fancy, tickle my prostate  
Don't get me off cause I'll just get irate  
****Put in my place but I'll break out once again  
****All these encounters may just leave me scarred  
And when I'm rock hard, I'm fucking rock hard  
Like Alice, we're down the rabbit hole, my friend**

**"I don't give a damn  
Not an iota  
Motherfucker I'm the straightest shota"**

(**Ken Ashcorp - Touch Fluffy Tail**)

Naruto propped himself on his arms and yawned before reaching around for his phone. After a quick frantic search, he found it before shutting off the alarm. He checked the time and grumbled. "I really don't want to get up this early. But if I don't, I won't get any hot water. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was an only child." He then thought about it for a second.

"Eh. It'd probably be lonely."

He dressed in an orange v-neck shirt and black jeans after a quick shower. He reached for a black jacket with an orange hood.

Reaching into his pockets he pulled out a pair of green goggles(2) that he pulled onto his head. Naruto didn't know where he got them just that he never wanted to let go of them. That and a green scarf with white stripes (he knew it was green with white stripes because green was the prominent color) that he wore during the winter times. (3)

"Hey, Mom. Hey Dad," Naruto said as he got to the bottom of the stairs. Lynn Sr., the father and the man of the household, was in the kitchen cooking breakfast for the entire family. Rita, the mother (and the one who actually _wore_ the metaphorical pants) was getting everything ready for the children's day.

"Hi, honey. Are your brother and sisters up yet?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not yet. I think they'll be up at any minute no-" A crash could be heard upstairs, causing everyone downstairs to wince. "...They're up."

He was glad he took an early shower. He did not want to go see what that crash was.

"Do you want any breakfast, son?" Lynn Sr. asked.

"Just a breakfast burrito, Dad. I gotta go to work."

"Alright, just be back before it's time to go to school."

"Okay, Mom."

Naruto walked out the back door of the kitchen to the little doghouse out back, scarfing down his burrito in a matter of seconds. "Come out, Charles," he said. "Time for walkies."

The dog (a white pit bull terrier) ran out of the house barking and wagging its tail. He flipped on his back once it reached Naruto and he scratched its belly. Naruto clipped its leash on. "Let's go," he said. The dog pulled him forward as it was ready to go to the dog park. Although, Naruto had to make a few more stops before making it there.

Before long he picked up a poodle, a Chihuahua, a Great Dane, a bloodhound, a basset hound, and a sheepdog. "Whoa!" Anyone else and Naruto was sure that they would be dragged on the ground. However, due to his weight training and his somewhat natural strength, he was able to make sure that they weren't that much of a problem when pulling him.

They made it to the dog park, where Naruto unclasped all of their leashes and let them roam free for about an hour.

"Naruto!"

He looked for the source of the voice before his eyes came upon a young woman about the same age as he and Lori. In fact, there were a lot of things like Lori about the girl. From her body type (which was a little on the scrawny type with a couple of curves) to the shape of the face. Which was weird because Naruto thought she looked more like Lori than almost everyone in the family. She did not have the big hair that Lori and Rita had, which was how Naruto could tell them apart.

Instead, her hair was swept to the side. "What's up, Carol?"

Carol Pingrey was Lori's rival who had this sort of frenemy vibe going on between the two. Sometimes it would be a cold war while more often than not it would be a full-on blood feud.

Naruto would never figure that the two were fighting over him. Lori was oddly protective of her older brother.

"There's a party going on Saturday and I was wondering if you would like to go?" Carol asked Naruto. He thought about it for a while.

"I'm not sure," he replied. He chuckled nervously while scratching the back of his head. "I'm pretty sure I have some things to do. I mean, I think everyone asks me to help because I'm kind of cheap." The most Naruto charges for something is 100 bucks, and even then that's only if it's somewhat dangerous.

"Why does the richest kid in Royal Woods always have to work? Live a little," Carol said with a groan. "We're only young once."

"Because, I have to make sure my parents don't worry about me," Naruto told her. "They have eleven other kids. I don't want them to think that I can't do anything on my own." Besides, he had to get the other kids to see that.

After saying goodbye to Carol, Naruto dropped each of the dogs off. Although, a small part of him wondered why she was at the dog park. "Does Carol even have a dog?" he asked himself.

After letting Charles off his leash once they got back home, Naruto entered the house. "What's up, Lincoln?" he asked his little brother.

Lincoln was eleven years old and a bit of a troublemaker. Whenever things didn't go his way, he had a tendency to land himself in even hotter water until he learned his lesson. He got his love of the color orange from his big brother, as well as his penchant for making trouble, though not to the same extent as his fourth older sister Luan. His white hair was almost reminiscent of their maternal grandfather.

He wore an orange polo shirt with jeans.

"Did you do anything to piss anyone off yet?" Naruto asked, getting a shake of the head from Lincoln.

"It doesn't happen that often." Naruto was about to open his mouth with a reply to contradict that statement but Lincoln told him to shut up before he finished that statement.

"Hey, big bro." Naruto turned his attention to the new addition to the room. It was his third little sister Luna, a short-haired (styled into a pixie cut) brunette who loved rock songs. She was an aspiring musician, able to play a lot of instruments. Her favorite was the electric guitar.

Luna wore a purple shirt with a torn up neckline and a skull design on the front with a lavender plaid skirt with a white belt over it. On her ears were her signature paperclip earrings. A black choker complemented the outfit, giving her a rocker-chick look.

"Hey, Luna." Naruto gave her a high-five before talking again. "Hey, Lucy." The goth appeared next to Lincoln (scaring the crap out of him and Luna) before staring up at her older brother. There was no emotion on her face. It was almost like staring at a dead corpse. "Don't pout like that. You'll mess up that pretty face." A small minute smile crept across Lucy's lips.

"Naruto is the only one who has a sixth sense when Lucy appears," Lincoln said to no one in particular. Everyone heard him, but no one wanted to say anything as they all had their weird habits. Lincoln's was just that he wanted to act as if he was on a TV show. "It's almost as if he can tell where each of us is."

The sounds of fighting could be heard throughout the house as the source moved to the kitchen. "The twins are here."

"I got this, Lucy." Naruto reached into the dust storm kicked up by the fight. "Break it up, you two." He held his arms apart, showing two identical six-year-olds who struggled to get at the other in one hand each.

"I said, '**Break it up**.'" They stopped fighting enough to look back at their oldest brother. All fun was lost from his face and his eyes held an angry, almost livid, glare.

Lincoln gulped. "I hate being on the receiving end of Naruto's patented death glare," he told his invisible audience. "He only busts it out when someone has gone too far or don't really listen to him. Either that, when someone messes with us, or when someone tries to boss him around.

"He gets into it a lot with my older sister Lori."

'Not all the time though, Lincoln,' Naruto thought to himself. He then exhaled. "Why are you two fighting this early in the morning?"

"Lana's stupid pets ate all the heads off my dolls!" Lola, the feminine one of the two, yelled.

"Nuh-uh!" Lana yelled, getting a quick glare from Naruto. "It was me."

"But why though?"

"Well, the first few times Kurama did it, but I wanted to see what he thought it tasted like." Naruto had the decency to look sheepish. That pet fox of his gave him a lot of trouble from time to time, but he could never let it go.

"I'll buy you some new dolls." He then thought about it for a second. "Nothing too expensive, though."

"You're no fun."

"I offered to pay for your dolls. I'm not getting something that's gonna cost me an arm and a leg."

"What's gonna cost you an arm and a leg? Oh no! I don't want you to lose any body part."

"It's a figure of speech, Leni," Naruto assured the scatterbrained blonde.

"Yeah. If anything he's already lost his brain." Everyone present laughed at Naruto's cost. He joined in dryly.

"Yeah yeah. Yuck it up now. See if I help any of you guys on April Fools." Naruto had a long-standing rivalry in pranks with the one who made that joke about his intelligence. Every first of April he would divert the prankster's ire away from the family while they kept away from home.

His grades were only slightly better than Leni's.

Leni was the second eldest who wore a simple green dress and flip-flops and had a pair of sunglasses in her hair. She was not the sharpest tack in the box but she did have an eye for fashion.

Luan dressed pretty normally for a teen her with a white sleeveless shirt and a plaid skirt with yellow socks. Pinned to the front of the shirt was a squirt flower. She was the comedian of the family who told literal dad jokes, as Lynn Sr. was the only one who enjoyed them.

"Oh, don't be like that. You take everything so seriously."

Naruto tried to keep a frown on his face, but it soon gave way to a smirk. "Yeah. Whatever."

It was the oldest sister, who was holding the youngest in her arms; the one who was closer to him in terms of age, Lori. In fact, he was sure that they were only a couple of months apart.

How did his parents manage that? There was one thought that came to mind, but he learned that pressing the issue didn't help.

"Now we're missing Lynn and Lisa," Naruto said with a close-eyed nod. He opened one eye to see a crotch dressed in red shorts fast approaching his head.

"Lunatic Lynn goes for the pin!" Other than a few steps back, Naruto didn't really move much. "That's not fair!" She pouted before squirming and laughing.

Her to-be victim found her tickle spot at her sides and was being merciless. Lynn leaned back, trying to move away from Naruto. This released him enough to pull her off in one swift motion and slam her to the floor before pinning her with a foot.

"Denied!" Naruto smiled at the attempt to knock him down. He removed his foot from the girl's stomach. "Now get your butt out there to Vanzilla so we can go to school."

One more sister showed up at the last-minute, reading data off a clipboard in front of her. The second youngest really didn't need to go to school (as she had already graduated with a PhD.; Naruto was wondering how she accomplished that despite being only four years old) but it was mostly to keep up appearances.

"I must apologize for my tardiness, Naruto," Lisa said as she put down her clipboard. She had a bit of a lateral lisp that made her mispronounce her X's and S's. "I was making sure that my experiment was going along smoothly."

To be honest, Naruto only caught a bit of that but he was going to let it slide. "Sure sure. Just go with the others. I gotta find my jacket and helmet after I lock up." The sky was clear enough so that he could ride his bike to school to save up space. Not to mention forget the headaches it was to ride with his siblings.

Naruto swapped out his coat for an orange and black motorcycle jacket and locked up the house. (AN: Basically, it's the same color scheme as his Shippuden jacket, with black shoulders and stomach where the black follows the zipper down) In his hands, he held an orange Bell motorcycle helmet with a stylized design, almost as if they were flames.

Naruto held his helmet by the straps before pulling it on and strapping the bottom to his chin. Getting on from the left side, he balanced the bike and pressed the Kill switch into Run. Naruto then pressed the Ignition switch, allowing him to move his bike out of the garage. (**AN: Here's your free motorcycle lesson from someone who doesn't ride but wants to. Most if not all the information I'm giving is from a YouTube video.**)

Once he did, Naruto pulled his clutch back while putting his gear shift into first. He slowly released the clutch (which allowed the bike to move forward) and pulled on the throttle at the same time picking up speed. Once the bike got to a certain speed, he pulled the gear shift into second and so on until he was going at a good pace of about 45 mph.

He would make it just as Lori finished dropping off the rest of the kids at their respective schools (Lori, Leni, Luna, and Luan all going to the high school, Lynn to the middle school, Lincoln and Lucy to elementary, the twins at primary, and Lily at daycare) and arrived at her own.

Naruto placed his helmet and coat in his locker while taking out the books he needed for class.

"Yo, Naruto!" A Mexican teen wearing an open green checkered button-up over a white T-shirt caught his attention. It was Lori's boyfriend (and one of his best friends) Bobby Santiago.

"What's up, Bobby?" Naruto fist-bumped Bobby as the boy approached.

"Nothing much. You heard about Chaz's party?"

"Yeah but I don't think I'm gonna go. I'm probably going to be home sleeping." He had promised someone that he would help with their lawn for a small fee. "Maybe next time."

"That's what you always say," Bobby said with a frown. "Even I have off days. You're a teen; you shouldn't be worried about making a ton of money."

"Says the guy with multiple jobs."

"Yeah. Says the guy who's trying to help his mom support him and his little sister."

"And I have a family where the money is hard to come by," Naruto said in response. Bobby held his hands disarmingly trying to keep the peace between the two. Naruto was so hardheaded about this sometimes. It was almost admirable that he was so dedicated to it.

"...Did Lori send you to check up on me?" Sometimes Bobby was too easy to read when it came to his girlfriend. While they weren't all in-your-face about it, Bobby and Lori were those kinds of a couple where you knew they were together. Holding hands, going to movies, going on picnics, they were a good couple.

"No..." Naruto stared at him for a while. That was the closest thing he's ever gotten to one of his death glares (Bobby had never actually been on the receiving end of one) and it was pretty unnerving. Naruto was an active guy. Seeing him just standing there staring was all kinds of wrong.

Thankfully the bell rang to cut the little conversation short or Bobby would have broken down.

"Bobby, when it comes to Lori, you can be so whipped."

"...I know."

* * *

**Timeskip - Sunday**

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes and rubbed them before looking around in the darkness. For some reason, there was something heavy lying on his chest, not to mention something tickling his nose. He noticed a mop of brown hair belonging to who he guessed was Lynn as although she wasn't the only one with a ponytail (Luan also wore one), hers was short.

The sounds of a jackhammer were going off in his ears, making Naruto cringe as he knew where the nose was coming from. It was no one else but the girl sleeping on his chest who had a really bad snoring problem. What made his bed so comfy that the girls always decided to come up to his room? '_It's not like my bed is any different than your own,_' he thought to himself.

Her leg was intertwined with his, making getting out of bed rather difficult. After regaining the use of his leg by detangling it, Naruto grabbed the pillow next to him. In one swift movement, he moved Lynn onto it and stood out of bed.

Naruto popped his back to get the kinks out and gathered his clothes for the day. Today was a self-imposed day off for him today and he had told all of his regular customers only to get in contact with him should the need arise.

Today was the day that he was going to fix on his bike. Mostly just maintenance like cleaning it off of all the dust/dirt from his rides on the local unpaved roads and making sure the carburetor was pumping fuel properly.

Naruto noticed what seemed to be a photo album spine hanging out of an open box. He was sure that he had never seen that album. Most of the ones his parents had downstairs were of the younger kids as babies from Lincoln down. Most of them overlapped with nine-to-five-year-old versions of the older kids.

"This one must be of us as babies." Naruto pulled the book out of the box and started flipping through it as he sat on the ground. He chuckled at the sight of a baby Lynn surrounded by various sports balls. She wore a sweatband and looked to be pumping weights. It looked like the maintenance on his bike would have to wait while he enjoyed looking at the pictures in the album.

Next up was baby Luan. In the picture, she seemed to be gumming a rubber chicken.

'Mom and Dad sure did set our paths out for us, even if they didn't realize it.' A quick laugh escaped his lips that he had to silence. He could hear the sounds of Lynn stirring behind him.

Baby Luna was holding a guitar in hand in her baby picture, Leni was chewing on a pair of sunglasses (the same ones she wore to this day, he noticed), and Lori held a play telephone to her ear. Naruto had to stifle his laughter even more at seeing her baby picture as of all of them, Lori's head seemed to be the most deformed. That was why he gave her the nickname Pearhead. It also didn't help that the girl had webbed feet as well. He wondered if she grew out of that

And then there was his. It showed him as a baby holding a little toy ninja. It was obvious that his goggles were too big as they hung to the side of his head.

A gust of wind blew the page off Naruto's baby pictures revealing a folded paper. Curious, Naruto opened it up.

**_This is to certify that  
_**_Naruto Uzumaki  
_**_has been formally adopted  
_**_**into** the Louds  
__**by** Lynn Loud  
_**_on this _**_19th_ **_day of_** _April_

Naruto's eyes widened at the certificate in his hands.

"I'm... adopted?" he asked no one in particular. He wanted it to be a joke. Some sick... twisted prank Luan was picking on him with. But he knew it wasn't. Luan never did anything psychological or traumatizing... that much. She always went for the cheap laughs: puns and grade school pranks (although she was almost as good as Naruto with the heavy hitters).

The document was real.

Naruto wanted to ask his parents to be sure. A part of him wanted to get the truth out of them. To yell and get mad.

But they were the ones who raised him. He didn't want to break their hearts.

"I'm just going to keep it to myself," he whispered low enough not to wake up his sleeping adoptive sister. It was obviously too much for them. If they wanted to tell him, they would have when he asked. It still hurt that they kept it from him.

Throughout the day, the question of who his real parents were kept popping up. Of course, he would do something to stay occupied and keep it out, but it would still come to mind.

Maybe a little TV would settle his nerves.

Coming down the ladder to the attic, Naruto noticed Lincoln moving around.

_'Tonight's the big episode of ARRGH, isn't it__?'_ Naruto thought to himself.

Some nights being the first to get to the TV would escalate into an all-out brawl.

"Dang it!" Lincoln yelled. "I always forget about Lucy!"

"Story of my life," the goth said.

"What's up?" Naruto caught their attention.

"Tonight's the big episode of ARRGH! that everyone is going to be talking about tomorrow at school." Lincoln looked to see if he got any support from his older brother.

Naruto hummed before looking down to the oldest of the younger sisters. "What's your reason?"

"It's the season premiere of Vampires of Melancholia tonight. You know how I feel about Edwin."

So it was pretentious vampires in a Twilight knockoff series vs. a show about hunting ghosts.

Both of which seemed unappealing to Naruto. Though he was sure not to blow his brains out with the ghost hunting show.

"I mean, I _could_ go watch it on Dad's old no-color TV. It'll give it that spooky edge."

"The black and white one?"

"I love black and white." Lucy perked up at the suggestion.

"That TV's gonna knock out the power grid if you don't plug it in right," Naruto remembered the last time Lynn Sr. tried to plug it in.

He was still paying off that lawsuit.

"It'll be fine."

It wasn't fine.

Naruto felt karma had a good hand to play here with his little brother as he watched the boy try to set up the TV. However, with it being an old fashioned TV, some new problems came up. Such as the TV tripping the circuit breaker and making the whole house go dark.

"Told ya. Though I'm surprised it just was our house that lost power this time instead of the whole neighborhood."

"What happened?" Lori asked as she and the others ran down the stairs. Naruto pointed at Lincoln who glared at his older brother before sheepishly explaining, "I was only trying to plug up Dad's old TV so Lucy could watch her vampire show."

"Of course it was Lincoln." Lori rolled her eyes as the others agreed. There was even a joke about the lights going out because they liked each other from Luan, getting groans and rolls of the eyes out of the rest of her siblings.

"That one was so good it deserves a cookie," Lisa said handing a sandwich cookie to the jokester. Once Luan popped the cookie in her mouth, her skin began to give off a glow that illuminated her surroundings.

Everyone backed off their fourteen-year-old sister in fright. "Lisa, you know Mom and Dad said that you aren't supposed to use your siblings as guinea pigs anymore."

"Yeah. Not after what you did to me!" Everyone remembered the acne cream Lisa had given Leni that caused her head to swell into a perfect spherical shape. Not only that but the cream caused pink blisters to form on various areas of her face.

Lisa chuckled a bit to her self before explaining. "It's nothing more than a cookie I infused with the DNA of a jellyfish. I'm thinking about calling them Gloweos. Besides, we can see now."

"Anyone saw Naruto?" Lynn asked, noticing that their big brother had somehow given them the slip.

"I'm in the kitchen about to go down to the basement!" Everyone then hurried to the kitchen to see Naruto shaking a flashlight. "Damn thing's not working," he muttered to himself before turning around to see everyone. "Oh... Did you guys hear that last little bit?"

"The part about the flashlight not working?" Lori asked. "Yeah. We heard the whole thing."

Naruto paled hoping that his parents didn't say anything about him using foul language in front of his sisters (especially Lily). Of the eleven kids, at least one was definitely going to tell their parents on him.

After doing a headcount, it was decided that someone would go down into the basement and flip the switch to turn the lights back on.

"I'll go," Naruto said. "I know the basement better than anyone else." Mostly because he used to hide down there and scare Lori whenever she opened the door. There were no windows in the basement casting it in darkness, so whenever she did he would start walking on the steps.

The eerie creaks caused by the aging wood always made her scream and cry before she closed the door in fright.

Man, he should really stop traumatizing those kids.

"I'm coming with," Lori told him firmly. There was no way he was going to scare her if he was in her sight. Either that or right next to her when she couldn't.

Grabbing the back of his shirt, she beckoned to Luan to follow them only for the girl's glow to fade. "Lisa, give Luan another cookie. I promise I won't tell."

"Sorry. That was a prototype. I only made one."

Lori's grip tightened on the back of Naruto's shirt. She was obviously scared and from what little light he could see that the rest of the girls were as well.

"I'll deal with it," Naruto told them. "I'm not afraid of the dark. Lori, you stay up here with the others."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Besides, it's hard to concentrate when you're shaking the back of my shirt."

Lori quickly let go before stuttering that she wasn't shaking. Naruto rolled his eyes (which went unnoticed) before going down the stairs.

The eldest daughter stood at the top as she watched her brother disappear into the darkness before a loud groan made her jump behind the group.

"What was that?"

"So much for looking after us." Lynn snickered while saying this to Lori, making the girl blush in anger.

"I wasn't scared. Maybe you were."

"I'm not scared of anything!"

"Boo." Lynn squeaked.

Lincoln could only watch as an argument broke out between the girls before noticing that the twins seemed to be scared. He steeled his resolve before moving closer and pulling them into a hug that they returned.

"Don't worry," Lincoln told them. "Everything's going to be alright. I'm not going anywhere." And neither was their other brother but he didn't need to mention Naruto right now.

"Which switch is it again?" Naruto asked himself as he shone his cellphone's flash on the fuse box down in the basement. The groan from earlier had been him as he hit his shin against his dad's exercise equipment (or more like Lynn Jr.'s exercise equipment as he saw his little sister on it more than him).

The sounds of everyone coming downstairs caught his attention and he watched as the girls come down the stairs. Thankfully before anyone noticed, he turned off his flashlight as a devilish idea crossed his mind.

Sneaking up behind Lori, he blew on the back of her neck.

"EEK!" she yelled before turning around and kicking the culprit. Unfortunately, she meant to kick whatever did it away but it was dark.

She was just far enough away for the kick to go a little higher than intended and smashed into Naruto's unprotected family jewels. A deep pain shot through Naruto's body before settling in his gut as he fell into the fetal position.

Lori flipped the switch in the fuse box and everyone bore witness to the silently crying Naruto.

"NARUTO! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! THIS WAS NOT THE TIME TO BE PLAYING GAMES!"

Naruto tried to talk, but the pain was a bit too much. When he finally _was_ able to speak his voice was slightly higher than normal. "You were just so defenseless. I thought it would be funny if I could scare you a little. You know, like when we were kids?"

He didn't think she'd aim for his mini-me!

The timbre in his voice returned for a bit and he stood up while leaning on Lori, who sat him down on the sofa. A sudden outburst from Lincoln caused Naruto to look over. Luna handed him an ice pack that he gladly placed on his nuts.

"I can't believe I missed my show," Lincoln cried. The girls looked in sadness between each other at their white-haired brother.

Lori handed him some popcorn off to the side while the others began to sit around him. Naruto watched as they hooked up Luan's camera to the TV in order to watch Lincoln's homemade ARRGH! episode.

Naruto watched the replay of the scene that put him in the situation now. His cheeks puffed with air that he blew on the back of his sister's neck. The quick turnaround before she pulled her foot back. A loud shriek followed by a thud could be heard, causing the girls to scream and run around in fear. The feed cut out as Naruto was revealed on the ground holding his groin.

"That's how you know Lori's a good golf player. She can always make a shot in the dark." Everyone groaned at the amateur comedian's joke, even the one affected.

"Thanks for reminding me that I might not be able to have kids later."

* * *

"Lori, you dirtbag!"

"What's going on?" Naruto asked as he wiped the oil off his hands with a rag. Lincoln had came out of the house yelling for some reason at the first daughter, who was taking the family van to the mall. "... Lori must have broken something of his." Which would probably explain the question of if he would lend her some money she asked.

* * *

_A Few Minutes Ago_

* * *

"Why are you asking me? Don't you have money from your birthday?"

"The thing I want to buy costs more than that though. Won't you do it for your favorite little sister?" Lori pulled the puppy dog technique as she tried to get her older brother to cough up some cash. However, Naruto wasn't having any of it.

"Did Lily break something again? Oh... You meant you." Naruto avoided Lori's blank stare as she knew he was joking. "I mean, your standing as my favorite kind of dropped after you kicked me in my gonads."

A slight red dusted the girls cheeks a bit at the memory before she retaliated that if he hadn't been playing a prank on her then she wouldn't have kicked him in the balls.

"... Fair point."

* * *

_Back to the Present_

* * *

Naruto walked up the stairs to see Lincoln and Clyde watching Lori lock up her room. "Weird," he said to himself before opening his latter.

"Hey, Naruto!" Naruto turned around to see his little brother squirming for a bit before sighing.

"I might have... left Lori a message on her phone that I don't want her to listen to." Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"And let me guess: you told Clyde to look out for Lori so that you can sneak in, which is fortified for some... reason... and knowing Clyde that crush he has on Lori is going to go haywire and ruin your plans. For my bribe... All-I-can-eat at Ichiraku's." Naruto was a sucker for noodles.

"How about extra pork for your Miso Chashu Pork Ramen?" Lincoln asked with a pale face. Naruto had a habit of going overboard at the local Japanese restaurant. More often than not, he would eat upwards of 50 dollars worth of ramen in one sitting. "I don't think I can afford to feed you. You're a bottomless pit."

Naruto put his hand to his chin in thought before shaking. "Deal. I break into her room all the time." That was the main reason she had to install a security system. Naruto always found a way into the girl's room that she shared with Leni, despite any lock she put on it. "We should regroup in your room to go over the game plan."

"While Clyde actively distracts Lori, I'll sneak into the vents and lower myself into her room using this jump rope," Lincoln explained. "But to do that I would need to distract the twins."

"Why?" Naruto asked, to which Clyde answered, "Because they were asked to be the primary school's hall monitors." The older teen nodded in understanding before motioning for Lincoln to carry on. After hearing all the details, Naruto crossed his arms and closed his eyes to let them sink in.

"This plan is a bit too complicated," he finally said. "Mostly because Clyde would not be a good distraction for Lori. Especially with the way that he is." The African-American boy would probably lock up before turning robotic like he always did. "You have a habit of eating ketchup sandwiches and not washing your hands, which means that you would probably slip from the doorway. Not to mention Lucy favors the vents more than anywhere else in the house."

"Do you have a better plan?" Lincoln asked as he raised his eyebrow.

"Yeah. I'm going to get Kurama to distract the twins while avoiding the vents altogether, wait for Lori to come up the stairs before I spring one of Luan's traps and make it so that she has to use the shower, enter in her passkey, and then enter her room," Naruto replied.

"What's her passkey then?" Lincoln was a bit miffed that his brother passed on his idea but had to give it some credit. Clyde wasn't exactly discreet when asked to do something and he didn't have to look at his hands to see that they were covered in ketchup. It was weird how well Naruto was aware of his surroundings like that.

"There are a bunch of possibilities. One, it could be the day she and Bobby met. Two, it could be their one month anniversary which they celebrated a couple of days ago. The third one is my birth date."

"Why do you think it's your birthday and not the rest of ours?"

"Because I'm the only older sibling she's got compared to her other younger ones. I protected her from bullies back when we were younger and through her growth phase. And we were attached at the hip even before I could remember." Much like Lola and Lana were at times when Lola wasn't at pageants and Lana wasn't at the pond with her animal friends.

"It's a good plan," Clyde said as he went over it in his head. "But where do I come in?"

"Clyde my man, you get to help me. You look for Lori while I look around for traps. When she comes, let me know and I'll position her to get in the trap's way." Hopefully, it was one of Luan's paint traps so Lincoln could have a lot more time to work with.

Opening the door, Naruto clicked his teeth in a rhythmic fashion. A few minutes later, a small fennec fox with orange fur and markings connecting its eyes and ears appeared before stretching and yawning.

"Kurama, play." Naruto pointed towards Lana. The fox picked up its tail before running towards the girl and nipping at her ankles.

"No biting!" the girl yelled at the fox, who ran away from her to go downstairs.

"Step one: complete. Now on to step two."

Clyde moved over to the stairway before looking down. Grabbing his walkie-talkie, he was about to yell into it when Naruto sharply whistled. When the boy looked back towards the older teen, he saw Naruto turn his hands into makeshift binoculars. Giving a thumbs-up, Clyde looked down the stairs before motioning that it was clear.

Naruto nodded before relaying back to Lincoln.

"Remember. It's a four-digit code," he told him as they made it to Lori's bedroom.

"Okay." Lincoln got to work.

"0319." Denied.

"0419." Denied again.

"... 1010." The code worked but the door was still locked.

"Hang on." Naruto pulled two bobby pins from his pocket before bending them into L shapes. Inserting them into the locks, he began to pick it until it eventually clicked, showing that the doorway was now open. "Step two: complete. You go in the room and delete that voicemail after locking the door back. I'll see if I can move Luan's trap to face the stairway. Remember to keep quiet and touch nothing else but her phone."

"Got it."

Lincoln entered the doorway and made a beeline for the phone. He didn't realize though, that one of the floorboards were loose, causing a creak to resound through the house.

Lori watched a little TV while eating chips when the sound caught her attention. "What was that?" she asked before she moved up the stairs. Clyde was about to yell out to grab their attention, but Naruto had already wrapped his hand around his mouth.

"We need inside voices," he told the young boy. "Otherwise she's going to get suspicious."

Once Lori got to the top step, she tripped a tripwire that released trash upon her head. Naruto made it to the door while she was disoriented and twisted the handle to let Lincoln know that someone was trying to get in.

"Lori, what happened?" Naruto feigned ignorance.

"Ugh. Obviously, you can see what's happened or you wouldn't be asking me that."

"No need to get snippy just because I asked you a question."

"I'm sorry, Naruto," Lori apologized. "It's just... I think someone's in my room." Naruto nodded before pushing her towards the bathroom.

"Just get cleaned up. I'll get you a change of clothes."

"My room's locked, Naruto." Lori's eyes narrowed. "If I find out you were in my room reading my diary, I'll kill you and then myself." It could be worse. Naruto could've been doing _that_ again. Damn him and watching those stupid foreign movies. Lori rushed past Naruto to her room and looked inside to see... that the room was completely bare of anybody's presence.

Lincoln had hidden underneath her bed and held his breath as he watched her move past. Lori's shoes hit him in the face, causing him to let out an "Oof!" by accident. Luckily, Naruto smashed his foot against Leni's bed and yelped. Lori ignored her older brother and made sure that nothing was out of place.

"Alright. Now leave so I can get a change of clothes."

After a few minutes, Lori made her way to the bathroom. Once the door closed, Naruto released a breath that he was holding and looked over to Clyde. "You know, I was expecting you to freak out. Nice going, Clyde."

Naruto patted the pre-teen on the back only for a fountain of blood to erupt from his nose. "...There it is."

Naruto poked his head in Lori's room to see Lincoln deleting the message.

"Mission success," Lincoln confirmed.

"Ahhhh." Naruto pulled a sucker out of his pockets before taking the wrapper off and placing it in his mouth. "I love it when a plan comes together."

* * *

**CHAPTER END**

* * *

Sorry, I took so long to crank out the new story. Towards the end of the month of May, my 2005 Ford Focus gave out on me so I had to get another car. Not to mention I had to reread and edit my work because I'm a perfectionist like that. I'm also extremely lazy when doing something the first time around, which is why I'm editing my work.

While it's a little later than promised, it's out.

And about the Naruto thing I wrote about in the opening note, I'm trying to not make him as responsible as the other fics are but sometimes it comes back to it. And if anyone asks why Naruto isn't too upset about finding out he was adopted, he's still upset. It's just that he doesn't want to worry anyone (much like canon) and will be like a little cloud of doubt at the back of his mind. I'm hopefully going to focus more on it while writing more chapters.

Character Bio:

Name: **Naruto Loud** (**real name Naruto Uzumaki**)

Hobbies: **Watering plants, riding motorcycles, and having prank wars with his sister Luan**

Favorite food: **Instant noodles and his dad's cooking**

Least favorite: **Fresh vegetables**

Likes: **family, friends, his sports bike, having April 1st prank wars with Luan (mostly keeps her attention away from the other members of the family), helping Lincoln with his "plans" from time to time, watching the fallout from said plans (unless it's too serious), hanging with Bobby when he's not trying to make goo-goo eyes with his sister, taking up for his siblings should something happen, action movies, manga and comics, anime, his pet fox Kurama,** etc.

Dislikes: **Bullies****, ghosts, flying in airplanes, the concept of several horror movie monsters (such as Freddie Krueger, Jason, Hellraiser, and others)****, seeing his family get hurt, **etc.

Negative traits: **Has a tendency to fake smile when he doesn't want people to worry about him, saying y' know whenever he gets worked up, his manners**,** too much energy (according to his father)**

I should point out that Naruto is strong for his age. As in strong enough to drag a 200 lb. person if need be. And he's a bit of a motorcycle enthusiast. I had to do a _lot_ of research into riding a motorcycle in order to write the scenes with them. From how old you have to be in Michigan to get a bike license (16 with a driver's license, as with most states), what kind of bike should a beginner start off with (at least 200 no more than 500), and how to start up one. Most of the research I did from YouTube, although I actually looked up Google for the age.

As you may know, most of the baby pictures are from the wiki (where I assume come from various points in the show) but others I had to make up myself.

For anyone interested in the Tragedy of the Two Lovebirds (as I like to call it), let me tell you the story. Of course, I didn't hear about what happened to them until a few years later, but here it goes:

So, about a good decade ago while in high school, there were these two lovebirds. Everywhere you saw them, they were holding hands and practically sat together. Kind of like how Bobby and Lori are right now. Our Math teacher split them up due to reasons that I don't really know because I wasn't in her class yet.

Anyway, I was drawing at the time and used Scott Pilgrim creator Bryan O'Malley's art form as a base. Seeing this, my friends decided to add on to it with someone eventually drawing the two on my paper. Eventually, someone erased his smile and replaced it with a frown by saying that she was making him miserable before proceeding to blame it on me.

Fast forward two, maybe three years later. I'm hanging out with some friends at the local festival we had and for some reason, the guy has deleted me from his friends on Facebook. Not knowing why I asked one of my friends if he deleted them all off and they told me he did. Apparently, the girl cheated on him while they were about to get married (after graduation) and got pregnant, which is why he deleted his Facebook page to get rid of all connections he had with her.

The main kicker, the girl got pregnant by a friend to all of us. Not to mention she's one of those moms who post everything their kids do on Facebook. EVERY. FIVE. MINUTES. Honestly, I almost wanted to call her out on her bull but it was none of my business.

Footnotes:  
1) Canon Shippuden height (16-17)  
2) Goggles from before he became a ninja  
3) Scarf Kushina knitted him from The Last

EDIT: Had to make a few edits as I didn't realize that I had cut off a couple paragraphs after reading. Still working on Chapter 2.


	2. Will Replace (Author's Note)

**AN: APOLOGIES**

First off, I want to thank all of you that enjoy my work. It helps me keep trucking on to write more and more to add onto my stories. However, at the same time, it gets harder and harder for me to write on account of my perfectionist tendencies when it comes to my works. I never finish a project on this site (as you can see from most of my works... that aren't oneshots like My Little Flower).

I'm saying that I'll start writing something and have a good feeling about it at the time, and then later will reread the section and think '_What the hell was I thinking writing_ _that?_' It's even harder when you realize that I don't know the feeling of being adopted since I've never felt that way before. And never HAD to feel that way. All of the other stories that use Naruto and the Loud House address that he already knows he's adopted but mine is different because he just found that out.

Even though the signs were there (Naruto kind of looks like George Miller, or Joji as he's now known, being half Japanese with other parts being Russian or Irish and Swedish; I plan on mixing Kushina and Minato's parents as well). And I'm pretty sure Lisa knows but just hasn't commented on it. Well, the scenario in my head is telling me that she does.

In terms of the word count, I would think that this story would be the one that updates next, and then the Star Vs. crossover will be next, followed by the Total Drama crossover. Also, is it me or is Total Drama getting more... prevalent now, even though it's over (I don't count Total Dramarama as it's a separate entity from the original show). I mean, I reread Mumei Mu's _What a Dramatic_ _Life _like a lot (which is where I plan to base my story on, with some adjustments mostly because his story actually follows canon too... except for adding some contestants WAY before their series debut *hint hint nudge nudge* and he changes up the pairings).

I thank you all for reading this (even though I posted this to Once a Loud) and apologize that this isn't a new chapter. Like I said, Once a Loud will be updated in a while (maybe a month or two) and I won't take a multi-year hiatus like I'm prone to do. Favorite or follow if you want or leave a review (preferably with an actual FanFiction account so I can respond; I've been burned with some guest reviews before). You can leave a flame, but there's no guarantee that I won't respond in kind. Keep in mind, just because I'm just some faceless nobody when I'm on the Internet it doesn't mean I don't have feelings.


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